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The White Witch - Comrades

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  07:54:40  29 June 2018
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Handyman454
Senior Resident
 

 
On forum: 02/20/2010
Messages: 267
The White Witch - Comrades

Chapter 1
USA - NEW YORK – 1st Trip Out

“When the Federal authorities of 16 nations
advise against going into the Zone, tell me
again, why this is a good idea?”
Felicia Velier

“Tell me again, why you’re going?” Felicia had asked, her hands planted firmly on her shapely, narrow hips.

It was by now apparent that she really didn’t care why I was going, she was just stuck in the argumentative and denial mode.

“To make money.” I’d replied. I knew that she knew I was holding back on the actual reason but neither of us was ready yet to air it out.
I was trying not to face her and had my back turned to her as I packed the single suitcase I was allowed to take.

Since returning from Afghanistan, life for me had turned mundane and pointless and I was constantly warring with notions of suicide on nearly a daily basis.

I'd spent 4 years in the field with 9 other Green Berets comprising BBQ team, 16th Special Forces Group. We’d been inserted into the Panshir Valley and charged with carrying and operating an AN/PEQ-1 SOF Laser Marker, a piece of equipment that when combined with GPS devices, would mark Taliban positions located along the Shomali Plain for air strike missions.

Life there had been violent, to say the least and although none of us now discharged kept in touch, I was sure they were just as affected by the same PTSD issues that I suffered on a daily basis.

“And you spent $10,000 on this camping trip to hell?”

She was back on the money again and having covered that 3 times already and I was growing tired of going through it.

“Yes. I spent $10,000 on this excursion.” I repeated, emphasizing the word excursion.

“And over a dozen nations don’t want you in there and the entire Russian military is guarding it from your entering?” She continued.

“That’s more or less right.” I confirmed remotely. “Except it’s a small group of Ukrainian militia. The USSR isn’t involved in it anymore. It doesn't really exist anymore.”

I knew what was coming next because we’d gone through it twice already.

“Whatever! And it’s full of deadly radiation, beasts and people?” She replied again.

“Look. Felicia. This is getting old.” I started, a bit agitated.
“You and I have gone over this at least 15 times over the last 6 months and no less than twice in the last hour.”
“There are only certain areas that are hot, I have years of hunting experience and I was specifically trained and put into service for 4 years to successfully, locate, determine and eliminate bad guys.”

I chose the word, eliminate because I knew if I said the real word, it would start another morals crusade that I wasn’t interested in debating.

“The bottom line is I’m going and additional arguing about it won’t make me change my mind.” I followed up. I’m going and that’s that.”

“Why would you want to go someplace like that then?”

She asked, this time with a little hysteria in her voice.

“A place the police won’t let you go? They should know! Why do you want to break the law by sneaking in and stealing things?”

“Fel.” I started off softly, using the pet name I’d established for her.
“First off, the Zone was set up by the military. Not the police. Technically no one is breaking any laws going in, they are simply disobeying a military exclusion order.”

I knew this was just splitting hairs but again, I wasn’t interested in arguing the difference either.

“Second. Nothing within the Zone produced by man has any value to anyone. It’s old, falling apart and tainted by radiation. Ergo, nothing is being stolen.”

Third, the items that the Zone produces are valuable. Those items are worth great money and I’m looking forward to bagging some of them, and fourth, the military isn’t interested in the Zone except to the extent that it affects whatever it is that they’re doing out there behind the chain link and razor wire and I’m not in the least interested in that part.”

“What about the…” She paused, searching for the word. “The mutilates. The things out there?”

“The Mutants.” I corrected her as I continued to pack.

“Whatever.” She countered, annoyed at the correction. “What about the Mutants. You said they would eat you. What about them?”

“Like all problems, the mutants are an issue to be dealt with.” I replied. “But not that big a problem and I’m armed and trained well enough to take care of myself.”

I’d finished packing, zippered the case shut and had turned toward her.

“I’m going and that’s pretty much all there is to it Fel.” I said.

She stood there for a moment with sadness in her eyes and took one last shot.

“If you go.” She started and I knew pretty much what was coming next. “I won’t be here when you get back. I can’t do this Bridger. I can’t watch you walk to your death and then sit here and wait for the word to come back.”

“I understand Fel.” I’d said. “You need to do what makes you happy Babe.”

What I didn’t say was that if I died out there, no one would ever bring word back. It didn’t work like that.

That was one of the reasons I liked the idea of it. All or nothing.
Since I’d heard about the Zone, accidentally, of nearly all the people I’d spoken with, most had never been there, and simply said their friend or some guy they’d known went and never returned.

All, however, told the stories of great wealth from the things they called artifacts and that’s what I was in it for. Well, that and maybe to ride the edge of death again.

She stood there for another moment as tears formed and then turned, picked up her purse and walked out the door.

See more on my page
www.MCSpangler.com
  13:39:46  30 June 2018
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PCDania
The Dane
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 09/22/2007
Messages: 1754

---QUOTATION---
I’d finished packing, zippered the case shut and had turned toward her.
---END QUOTATION---


Shouldn't that be "zipped the case shut"? I think 'zippered' means the case has a zipper instead of say velcro.


---QUOTATION---
“And over a dozen nations don’t want you in there and the entire Russian military is guarding it from your entering?” She continued.

“That’s more or less right.” I confirmed remotely. “Except it’s a small group of Ukrainian militia. The USSR isn’t involved in it anymore. It doesn't really exist anymore.”
---END QUOTATION---



Why is he talking about USSR when she talks about the Russian military?
  14:48:47  30 June 2018
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Handyman454
Senior Resident
 

 
On forum: 02/20/2010
 

Message edited by:
Handyman454
06/30/2018 14:58:02
Messages: 267
PC - Thanks For Responding


---QUOTATION---

Shouldn't that be "zipped the case shut"? I think 'zippered' means the case has a zipper instead of say velcro.

“And over a dozen nations don’t want you in there and the entire Russian military is guarding it from your entering?” She continued.


Why is he talking about USSR when she talks about the Russian military?
---END QUOTATION---



I like the "Zipped" part. That works. [Made the change]

USSR is a common US misnomer.
Most people in the United States understand very little of the Russian Republic political system and even less now than before.
Most assume the old USSR to still be in control of all the states and even fewer know Ukraine exists much less of it's independence.

The woman is a representative of that state of ignorance and the protagonist, through his hands on knowledge and experience, understands it better but is hesitant to try to correct the woman for obvious reasons.

I tried to explain the political lead-in in the prologue of the book itself but that's only in the book.

The book is written in an Indiana Jones style of fast, action hero, treasure & bounty hunter.

The first book, "Comrades", should be available on Amazon within the next 24 hrs. price introductory at $0.99

I'm currently working on Book II "Whisper" and should have it ready for editing by mid July.

www.MCSpangler.com
  21:08:21  30 June 2018
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PCDania
The Dane
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 09/22/2007
Messages: 1754
Sorry, I must be a bit thick headed.

She who don't know to distinguish says Russian army, he who knows better tells her there is no USSR army.

From your explanation it is like they are a couple who have lived together for so lmany years that he knows she means USSR when she says Russian. Problem is that I as a reader do not know they have it like that, I can not read their thoughts or knows their subconscious understanding of each other.

IMHO it would work better if he corrected to Ukrainian army and told her about the Ukrainian independence, that way you would also educate some US readers who might not be aware. Maybe it is because I'm an European and don't know much about what ordinary US Americans knows about other countries.
  16:12:35  1 July 2018
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Handyman454
Senior Resident
 

 
On forum: 02/20/2010
 

Message edited by:
Handyman454
07/01/2018 16:27:00
Messages: 267

---QUOTATION---
IMHO it would work better if he corrected to Ukrainian army and told her about the Ukrainian independence, that way you would also educate some US readers who might not be aware. Maybe it is because I'm an European and don't know much about what ordinary US Americans knows about other countries.
---END QUOTATION---



Actually you would know better about the political workings of the European nations than I would safely say 85% of Americans know.

I updated and clarified some of the Prologue history in the book pertaining to the Russian and Ukrainian independence and Ukraines current, exclusive control over the Zone as well as adding a bit more on Bridgers history.

Thanks for the input PC

(Were you able to view my authors page?)

The White Witch - Comrades
www.MCSpangler.com
  17:59:57  1 July 2018
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PCDania
The Dane
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 09/22/2007
Messages: 1754
Thanks for finding my suggestions useful.

Yes, I have looked at your page. I find the excerpt difficult to read because it is centeret instead of aligned to the left. Maybe it's just my damaged brain that plays tricks on me. Don't worry too much about it, it mostly affects my ability to concentrate.
  19:58:51  1 July 2018
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Handyman454
Senior Resident
 

 
On forum: 02/20/2010
Messages: 267

---QUOTATION---
Thanks for finding my suggestions useful.
Yes, I have looked at your page. I find the excerpt difficult to read because it is centeret instead of aligned to the left. Maybe it's just my damaged brain that plays tricks on me. Don't worry too much about it, it mostly affects my ability to concentrate.
---END QUOTATION---



Good suggestion:
I corrected the website to paragraph the narrative to the left.
Sometimes my creative eye gets in the way of my common sense eye.

BTW
The Kindle site allows the reader to see all of the prologue as well as most of chapter I prior to buying.

Please take a look at the Prologue and tell me what you think from a European standpoint.
  20:33:23  1 July 2018
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PCDania
The Dane
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 09/22/2007
 

Message edited by:
PCDania
07/01/2018 21:09:55
Messages: 1754
Don't know what happened when you corrected your website. My antivirus will only allow me to access it in my Chrome browser when using Incognito Mode as it is not a secure site (no HTTPS, certificat is invalid). I've visited other sites today without problems that don't use HTTPS. Maybe it's because you have links to ordering your books....?

I have read the Kindle prologue.

Only thing is: Have you been in touch with GSC Game World regarding copy rights? I wouldn't know if not because I have played the games but the science fiction parts including characters mentioned in the prologue are invented by GSC. Would be a shame getting a cease and desist and I have no idea how strict GSC is.
  21:48:52  1 July 2018
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Handyman454
Senior Resident
 

 
On forum: 02/20/2010
Messages: 267

---QUOTATION---
Don't know what happened when you corrected your website. My antivirus will only allow me to access it in my Chrome browser when using Incognito Mode as it is not a secure site (no HTTPS, certificat is invalid). I've visited other sites today without problems that don't use HTTPS. Maybe it's because you have links to ordering your books....?

I have read the Kindle prologue.

Only thing is: Have you been in touch with GSC Game World regarding copy rights? I wouldn't know if not because I have played the games but the science fiction parts including characters mentioned in the prologue are invented by GSC. Would be a shame getting a cease and desist and I have no idea how strict GSC is.
---END QUOTATION---



I had the same issue when I uploaded the new site this morning and after a call to Godaddy, I had to delete all the old cached history & images and then it worked fine.
Unfortunately it had something to do with the old "GoCentral" site and the Lenox, C-Panel site I'm using.

As I understand copyrights there has to be a conflict of business competition involved. If I were writing a game it would conflict and compete with theirs and violate the law.
As it is, the books are a completely different format and non competitive and actually are considered advertising.
I love the game and gave them great credits on the inside cover.
Don't even have a problem promoting the games actually.

If they give me any crap though, I'll denounce the games, remove any and all endorsement and change the story to reflect another entirely different Zone in another entirely different area.
I'm already considering that as we speak anyway.

It's pretty cut and dry...
There's no competition and it's free advertising of both the old games and the new one, assuming they ever get that one together.
  00:41:02  2 July 2018
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PCDania
The Dane
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 09/22/2007
 

Message edited by:
PCDania
07/02/2018 0:45:24
Messages: 1754

---QUOTATION---
If they give me any crap though, I'll denounce the games, remove any and all endorsement and change the story to reflect another entirely different Zone in another entirely different area.
---END QUOTATION---


You might get angry with me now but copy right is copy right. It is your choice to base your books on those great games. It's not their fault you didn't ask and got permission.

What if I made a game based on your books without asking for permission. Would you sue me then?

Edit
Tried the link to your site again and forced it through. Then I clicked the Home link and was directed to a sub directory at what I guess is your business site: mikeshomerepairs.com/mcspangler/ It isn't a https site but it loads correctly.
 
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