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My S.T.A.L.K.E.R Film Series

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  14:58:06  30 July 2014
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Bones.
(Novice)
 
On forum: 07/30/2014
Messages: 5
My S.T.A.L.K.E.R Film Series

Hi guys, I have started working on a couple of episodes on a stalker series which i plan to expand into a full feature film. It's several cinematic style episodes using a Stalker mod for ArmA II, all of the footage is programmed and recorded in-game using the mission editor and fraps.

I'm hoping to create 6 episodes per chapter once I get the time to write a proper script. As i am working on this project solo, each episode takes several months to complete, theres a lot of in game scripting involved.

I have included a short plot description and two episodes: Intro & Arrival. Episode three is in the works.

[link]http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyZVl77kBHmLoucs5lV5mQQJHF7vrSQBl[/link]

Any feedback and/or future ideas are more than welcome.

Thanks
  19:48:34  6 August 2014
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hhiker
off to new worlds
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 10/31/2008
 

Message edited by:
hhiker
08/06/2014 20:02:59
Messages: 4290

---QUOTATION---
My S.T.A.L.K.E.R Film Series

Hi guys, I have started working on a couple of episodes on a stalker series which i plan to expand into a full feature film. It's several cinematic style episodes using a Stalker mod for ArmA II, all of the footage is programmed and recorded in-game using the mission editor and fraps.

I'm hoping to create 6 episodes per chapter once I get the time to write a proper script. As i am working on this project solo, each episode takes several months to complete, theres a lot of in game scripting involved.

I have included a short plot description and two episodes: Intro & Arrival. Episode three is in the works.

[link]http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyZVl77kBHmLoucs5lV5mQQJHF7vrSQBl[/link]

Any feedback and/or future ideas are more than welcome.

Thanks
---END QUOTATION---



Disclaimer: it's part of my job to write scrips & advise on (read: mercilessly rip apart) the video and animation made by others while actually lacking the skills to make them myself (or have proper literacy in the tools those others use).

With that in mind, here's the opinion i've got to share:
- your strongest element (in my eyes) is the steady-yet-driven pace, also the smooth editing.
Suggestion: carry on

- your not-so-strong element (again, in my eyes) is the expository dialogue. Case point: in part 2, approx. 5:00-6:30 - two characters tell each other something we should know while the viewer sees the characters themselves onscreen.
Suggestion1: cut the exposition to at least a third of its current voulme; once you know what you want to say, perform a cruel intel triage and only leave in a freaction of the originally intended bits. Also see if you can spread out the necessary intel so that it doesn't all rain down in one scene.
Suggestion2: if you're very sure that you do need all the dialogue in that spot and that you do need it in one consecutive piece, try shaking up the visuals a bit - but make sure each visual bit has a clear purpose - if it feels as a filler, cut it instead. (Let me try to give a rough editing example with the bit i mentioned above. until 5:03 - as-is; 5:04-5:15 - view pans across the undergrowth, the 2 characters having the discussion are shown from afar, perhaps from behind their backs as they stretch and look around (similar to the solution you have at 11:45-11:55 - that part works well); 5:16-5:21 - as-is; 5:22-5:33 - again general plan of both characters in their surroundings; 5:34-5:55 a flyover or a flashback/ mind journey vaguely depicting the gradual degradation - either a proper cut or an overlay to our speaking characters (for example, exploit some of the footage from around 14:17 - just not in its full glory); around 6:00 cut back to characters, but add some minor activity to them: instead of simplly standing and talking, one of them could be scanning the area through scope while talking, around 6:17 the other could pat down his suit as if checking the pockets.)

Some more random ideas/ suggestions.
- when the crew is observing something specific (like the blood-drained feller at 9:55-10-13) then dedicate the whole screen to the thing they're looking at, maybe panning over different details. Then again, when the focus is on what the crew is doing, let them have the scren (the snealing sequence before they find the feller is pretty good )
- audio tweak idea: add some minor radio static and radio clicks around the dialogue - just like the breathing noises, that too helps to amplify the impression that they are not just yelling through their filters but that their suits are equipped with comms system. Adds some flavour and atmosphere, as well as giving you some wiggle room when it comes to volume and effects and such.


And, that's about it.
I don't know if any of that was helpful at all but i do enjoy picking on others' work occasionally so there's that


P.S.:
Subscribed too
  08:04:05  21 September 2014
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Bones.
(Novice)
 
On forum: 07/30/2014
Messages: 5

---QUOTATION---
My S.T.A.L.K.E.R Film Series

Hi guys, I have started working on a couple of episodes on a stalker series which i plan to expand into a full feature film. It's several cinematic style episodes using a Stalker mod for ArmA II, all of the footage is programmed and recorded in-game using the mission editor and fraps.

I'm hoping to create 6 episodes per chapter once I get the time to write a proper script. As i am working on this project solo, each episode takes several months to complete, theres a lot of in game scripting involved.

I have included a short plot description and two episodes: Intro & Arrival. Episode three is in the works.

[link]http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyZVl77kBHmLoucs5lV5mQQJHF7vrSQBl[/link]

Any feedback and/or future ideas are more than welcome.

Thanks

Disclaimer: it's part of my job to write scrips & advise on (read: mercilessly rip apart) the video and animation made by others while actually lacking the skills to make them myself (or have proper literacy in the tools those others use).

With that in mind, here's the opinion i've got to share:
- your strongest element (in my eyes) is the steady-yet-driven pace, also the smooth editing.
Suggestion: carry on

- your not-so-strong element (again, in my eyes) is the expository dialogue. Case point: in part 2, approx. 5:00-6:30 - two characters tell each other something we should know while the viewer sees the characters themselves onscreen.
Suggestion1: cut the exposition to at least a third of its current voulme; once you know what you want to say, perform a cruel intel triage and only leave in a freaction of the originally intended bits. Also see if you can spread out the necessary intel so that it doesn't all rain down in one scene.
Suggestion2: if you're very sure that you do need all the dialogue in that spot and that you do need it in one consecutive piece, try shaking up the visuals a bit - but make sure each visual bit has a clear purpose - if it feels as a filler, cut it instead. (Let me try to give a rough editing example with the bit i mentioned above. until 5:03 - as-is; 5:04-5:15 - view pans across the undergrowth, the 2 characters having the discussion are shown from afar, perhaps from behind their backs as they stretch and look around (similar to the solution you have at 11:45-11:55 - that part works well); 5:16-5:21 - as-is; 5:22-5:33 - again general plan of both characters in their surroundings; 5:34-5:55 a flyover or a flashback/ mind journey vaguely depicting the gradual degradation - either a proper cut or an overlay to our speaking characters (for example, exploit some of the footage from around 14:17 - just not in its full glory); around 6:00 cut back to characters, but add some minor activity to them: instead of simplly standing and talking, one of them could be scanning the area through scope while talking, around 6:17 the other could pat down his suit as if checking the pockets.)

Some more random ideas/ suggestions.
- when the crew is observing something specific (like the blood-drained feller at 9:55-10-13) then dedicate the whole screen to the thing they're looking at, maybe panning over different details. Then again, when the focus is on what the crew is doing, let them have the scren (the snealing sequence before they find the feller is pretty good )
- audio tweak idea: add some minor radio static and radio clicks around the dialogue - just like the breathing noises, that too helps to amplify the impression that they are not just yelling through their filters but that their suits are equipped with comms system. Adds some flavour and atmosphere, as well as giving you some wiggle room when it comes to volume and effects and such.


And, that's about it.
I don't know if any of that was helpful at all but i do enjoy picking on others' work occasionally so there's that


P.S.:
Subscribed too
---END QUOTATION---



Thank you for your feedback! Some very useful information, I wasn't expecting such an in-depth response but I'll definitely take those points on board for episode three! At the moment I'm working on the scene where it delves back into the past at the point where the nuclear blast is triggered and causes the events taking place and the situation the survivors are in now. Programming a Nuclear explosion is by far the most challenging part of this, as my system takes a massive hit from it, however the results look good! I hope I can capture it well.

Thanks again!

Bones
  19:36:08  21 September 2014
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hhiker
off to new worlds
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 10/31/2008
Messages: 4290
You're welcome
Looking forward to the next part!
  05:09:47  15 October 2014
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Bones.
(Novice)
 
On forum: 07/30/2014
Messages: 5
Episode 3

Part 3 Is Live

[link]https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyZVl77kBHmLoucs5lV5mQQJHF7vrSQBl[/link]
  16:48:50  3 November 2014
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Bones.
(Novice)
 
On forum: 07/30/2014
Messages: 5
A Short trailer for Episode 4

[link]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-68nYUrxRol[/link]
  14:26:26  12 November 2014
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hhiker
off to new worlds
(Resident)

 

 
On forum: 10/31/2008
Messages: 4290

---QUOTATION---
Episode 3

Part 3 Is Live

[link]https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyZVl77kBHmLoucs5lV5mQQJHF7vrSQBl[/link]
---END QUOTATION---



Whoops, i totally meant to follow up my earlier comments and then forgot.
What i meant to say is, i really like what you've done with dialogues editing in episode 3!

(Suggestions-wise, i'd presonally cut down on the pre-annihilation civilian town sequence - to about half the current screen time, focusing on/ following around just 1-2 characters. The parts with the jogging girl work very well, for example - we see what she sees on her route, and get to experience the city routine through the eyes of that one character/ one citizen; the "nomal" is established and then ... BOOM!)

Also, good job creating the suspense with the "oh, it's probably nothing" perimeter checks. Can't wait to see what happens next
 
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